Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
