I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
