We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
