She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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