we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
