Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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