this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
