Plan B is the new Plan A
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
