I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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