he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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