Me too!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I would fuck him just for his dog
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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