You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
