i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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