there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize