someone threw a dead crab at me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
