I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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