your thong is hanging out like whoa
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
