So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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