so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
