dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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