roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
