I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The air was thick with penises
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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