so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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