Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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