I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
