haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
