clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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