Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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