Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
sarcasm needs its own font
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Randomize
