I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
