I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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