last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
