Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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