You made me cry and you don't even care
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
