Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
