he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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