nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
