im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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