Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
