Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
