Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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