The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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