I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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