I'm sorry my penis didn't work
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
