Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
