So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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