i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
