Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
