I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
