I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize