Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
