HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
