STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
