STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
