my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
