what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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