Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
