SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
