So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
