I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
