when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize