Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my shit smells like andre
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
