four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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