dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
