Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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