How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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