Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
