Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
