hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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