are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
