She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
