a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize