explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dick very happy bro
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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