I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
