***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hippo gnu deer
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
