We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
