Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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