You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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