i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
