The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
