Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
