I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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