you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
