dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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