i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
