tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
