It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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