I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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