.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
