This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
