Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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