i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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