I'm eating all of the evidence.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize