i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
