ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
