Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
