Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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