Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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