I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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