why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize