Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
