I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
