Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
