I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
