I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize