"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
