We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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