i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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