I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
