I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
