I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
