I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
