I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize