So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
