she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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