yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
