it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize