I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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