It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
